An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
