the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
