she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
