We're facebook friends in real life
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize