i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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