Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
