this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
