is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
