they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
