im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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