I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
