I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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