I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
