We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
