I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
