it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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