I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
