Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
