he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
