Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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