Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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