Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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