I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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