Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
