Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
