If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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