EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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