im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
