I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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