oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
