i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
