She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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