well I can't set my house on fire every night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
