Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
