She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
