just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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