Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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