Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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