Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
