He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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