So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
