theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
