he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
