the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
