3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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