my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
