Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
