i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina is officially offended.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
