I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
