I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
