The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
