I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
