If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
