dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
