I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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