Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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