i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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