Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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