battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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