Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
