i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
