I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
