I'm really into asian looking animals
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And then he peed in my hair
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
