how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
