he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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