My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How naked do you want me to be?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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