The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
