look no pants
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
