Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
