I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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