Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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