do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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