Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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