i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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