Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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