Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
