Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
