All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
