Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
