Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
