There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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