We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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