The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
