called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
