Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sober January is a disaster.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
