I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
