Umm I'm too high to move.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
