You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
