I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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