I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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