Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
