This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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