Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The air was thick with penises
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
