I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize