Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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