So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
