You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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