My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
