Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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