yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
