How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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