your thong is hanging out like whoa
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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