i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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