i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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