i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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