Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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