I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am available for nakedness
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
