margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the condom got lost in my hair
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
