Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
