If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
