she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
