I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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