If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
