he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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