guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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