i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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