i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
