I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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