I think I won the penis lottery.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
